kids today are too fucking powerful.,, we merely adopted the internet, they were born in it
This kid is a fuckin master look how long it took him to break
anxiety brain: IM GOING TO DIE ALONE AND UNCARED FOR
the other side of my brain which is wearing a hawaiian shirt: [cracks another sparkling water] yeah probably
You know we’re in the dark timeline when Stephenie Meyer has minded her own damned business for years and J.K. Rowling keeps tumbling down the metaphorical steps of murdering her own universe and personal character in the public eye for everyone to see.
Like, if in 2008 you had told me Stephenie Meyer would quietly retire and stay in her lane instead of continuing to write weird Mormon fantasy with nothing but white characters and J.K. Rowling would be on Twitter spouting some shit like “THE GOBLET OF FIRE WAS ACTUALLY ONCE A TRANS WOMAN, I’VE BEEN SITTING ON THIS SINCE 1986!” I’d say you were a fucking liar.
But here we are.
the two previous movie series of Spider-Man always had it that Spidey was a Big Hit with the citizens of nyc in spite of the negative press/police departments actively hunting him down but we haven’t really seen anything like that in the mcu past Peter’s classmates simply being aware that Spider-Man is a hero who exists, like we didn’t see any slandering articles or angry officers which is WEIRD considering the canonical climate about superheros in the mcu right now so like….I really hope it carries over into this third series because frankly I love the idea of everyone in a post-accords world in constant debate about superheroes like ‘should they be held accountable for casualties’ and ‘does it make sense to give all this power to just a few people and force them to make potentially catastrophic situations’ and ‘do we even truly Need superheroes’ like any and all debate they can think of but at the same time, all the citizens in New York are collectively like ‘Yeah….but we’re gonna leave the Spider-Boy out of this….he just wants to help out….he’s doing his Best..’ lmao
The Entire City Of New York: after all the danger we’ve been placed in since these superheroes started popping up, since the Avenger’s set up a headquarters here- we’re sick of it. superheroes only prevent problems that they create in the first place and cause millions in damages doing it. we want our city to be safe!
Also The Entire City Of New York: we’ve only had Spider-Man for a year and a half but if anything ever happened to him we would kill everyone on this planet and then ourselves
J. Jonah Jameson: writes a scathing article about the ‘spider menace’ ‘terrorizing’ Queens and campaigns for his arrest and imprisonment alongside other ‘mutant menaces’
That Nice Old Lady that bought Peter a churro: *barges into the Daily Bugle office swinging her handbag with deadly force*
Citizens of New York City: fuck the avengers!!
The Rest Of The World: you do realize that your Spider-Man has been spotted helping the Avengers on multiple occasions and many believe him to be an honorable member of the team?
Citizens of New York City:
Top ten quotes from law school, week one:
- “So the rules thus far are ‘don’t be late’ and ‘don’t be absent from class,’ unless you are absent because of circumstances outside your control. In that case, notify me before class. If I walk in here and you are not in your seat, and I don’t already know why that is the case… I will assume that you are dead. We will hold a brief service in your memory and then continue on, as we know you would want.”
- “Yeah I mean if you don’t know the answer that’s fine, but I’m gonna make you pick the next person I call on. It’s a social experiment I run. I like to see if people pick their friends or their enemies. Wildly amusing. Anyway, be prepared for that.”
- “So as the plaintiff’s counsel, you review all the possible venues and pick the one that’s the fairest to everyone….. haaaaahahaha I’m just kidding. You rig the court in your favor as much as you possibly can.”
- “You’re supposed to go to a basement during a tornado. Why don’t y'all have basements?” “Can’t watch from a basement” “You’re going to die”
- “My own law professor once described admiralty jurisdiction as ‘shit that happens on boats’ so [writes ‘boat shit’ on the board]”
- “So then Congress gave itself a raise and America shouted, ‘Give it back you evil bastards!!!’ so loudly that they did.”
- “I will provide you with pizza. For beverages, you’re on your own, but please abide by Baylor policy. Which is that we can’t have FUN.”
- “And WHAT do we find outside the cities????? C O W S”
- “All the desks on the third floor are reserved for 3Ls in practice court. Since you’re dying like, 100% of the time, they kindly give you a place to die. Sometimes you can see the lost souls wandering past the balconies….”
- [makes a list of twenty-four things that could go wrong] [writes TRUMP in all caps as number twenty-five]
Round two:
- “You don’t want conservatives! You want someone that will redistribute a little wealth! Get some commies! But don’t ask for them out loud, or it won’t end well.”
- “Occasionally someone will walk into your office and start with ‘well just as a matter of principle…’ and that right there? That’s when you pull out your extra-strength Advil, because it will be a long day.”
- “You can walk into a restaurant and just say, ‘I want tea.’ Sweet is implied! If you don’t want it sweet, it’s ‘tea, hold the sugar,’ and I like that!”
- “My biggest goal is to die in Texas. When Gabriel’s trumpet blows, I will be resurrected from Texas dirt… if at all. Depends on his standards.”
- “And I say, ‘How much will you pay me?’ and they say ‘a shitload!’ And I say, ‘how much is a shitload?’ and what do you know? Our definitions match”
- “So you see that it’s an unincorporated association, and your reaction to that should be ‘shit!’ That is absolutely the proper reaction. That’s a good reaction.”
- “You know it’s not perjury if you cross your fingers, right?”
- “I would definitely shank someone for pizza.”
- “Right now you’re… you’re lawyer larvae. I have a sense for these things.”
- “So obviously Congress sprang into action. Why are you laughing? Oh yeah, BECAUSE IT’S BEEN A QUARTER CENTURY”
Magneto: Are you interested in joining my team of mutants fighting for the end of mutant oppression? :)
A mutant: sure what’s it called?
Magneto: the brotherhood of evil mutants
Mutant: w
Mutant: why’s it called that
like you all wouldnt be hyped as fuck to join a gay rights club called the “brotherhood of evil gays”